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    Advice for dating couples

    You know it’s unhealthy, and chances are it’s negatively impacting every area of your life, including your relationship with God.

    You should talk to a friend, parent, or pastor you trust who can help you transition out of your relationship. This piece of advice often comes from one of my high school students when we brainstorm relationship advice together as a group.

    This is not a list where it’s all or nothing—that is, in order to be a disciple, all of these ideas need to be in place.

    It’s important to remember that discipleship is a process and a journey.

    All of us go through a stage where we assume we’re a boyfriend or girlfriend away from having it all.

    We believe that if we could find our “true love,” all the issues that bring us down will fade into the background.

    Or maybe we believe we’re the one sent into this person’s life to do the saving, to make them a better person, and so we wear the abuse as a kind of badge of honour.

    Maybe it brings us some kind of self-righteous satisfaction that we’re suffering for a greater purpose and are willing to love someone so “complicated.” Regardless of your particular situation, if you are involved in an abusive relationship—whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual—you need to end it.

    The list has emerged through countless conversations and discussions, and offers some great ground-level wisdom on how the call of discipleship should steer our journey through romantic relationships.Many of us would rather put up with abuse and dysfunction in our relationships than be alone, so we go to great lengths to minimize or deny any abusive behaviour.“Well, she’s not like that all the time.” “It isn’t really that bad.” “It’s no big deal.Maybe it’s a boyfriend who is physically abusive, or a girlfriend who is controlling and emotionally manipulative.Regardless, I often see the rationalizing of major dysfunction.

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